then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
