Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
