Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
