I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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