yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
