So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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