I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
did you just send me my own nude
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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