The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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