Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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