Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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