like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
