Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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