Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
