I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
