I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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