Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
