i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
