How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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