Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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