there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
