we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
