Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
