We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
