I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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