I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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