If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
