Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
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how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
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We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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