if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
