I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
