Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Found your dick twin last night
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
