the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
