I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
