nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
