okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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