capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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