i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
