she was so not down for the gang bang
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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