She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
