Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
