I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
