wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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