hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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