I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You are a booty call, not a friend.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
