Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
