I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
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It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes