Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world