Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me