Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.