You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is