I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
