is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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