those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
