sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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