bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
