HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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