he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
