Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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