O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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