you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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