We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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