Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
