Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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