she woke up with a sticky ear
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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