he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
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Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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