All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
