you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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