So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
