Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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