I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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