i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
