yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
