That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you win again, gameday.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
