I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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